The Regret (Heartache #2) Read online

  “Thanks but I’m done.”

  She shrugs. “Suit yourself.” I watch as her full lips encase the rim of the cup, and then her throat as she swallows the first shot down. She sits down and I just stand there, watching her take a drink of her beer. Her eyes move up to mine. Her body stiffens then relaxes. “You can sit down you know.” I pull out the chair and sit, all the while watching her take the other shot and another drink of beer. She shivers, and I imagine feeling the burn moving through her body from the liquor.

  “So,” I have to clear my throat, “where’d you go?” I can’t believe I let my guard down, that I didn’t realize she had left. Stupid! Again, I let myself feel something else when I should have been in control, thinking of others. You were thinking of others. Jase and Alena. You can’t be everywhere. Stop blaming yourself. I can’t.

  Her mouth releases the rim of the bottle with a pop. “I went to the bathroom, if you must know.” She rolls her eyes and takes a long drink. Her eyes look over to mine, wearily. “You were kinda busy, dancing with the bride.” Her mouth lifts into a sad smile.

  Did she want me to ask her to dance? Did she feel left out? I’m not sure how I feel about dancing with her. Too close. Too warm. My cock strains against my pants. No, you have no right to feel that way. Admit it, you want her. Shit, any man would be a fool not to, but it’s something I can’t allow. You mean it’s something you won’t allow. Chicken.

  She shrugs. “Who can blame you? I mean look at her.” My eyes follow hers, my head turning over my shoulder. Alena’s head is laying on Jase’s shoulder, her eyes looking up at him as he looks down. Such love pouring out to each other, such belonging. Their bodies can’t get any closer to each other’s as they move slowly to the music. “Not that you feel that way about her.” I turn my head back around. She’s still looking at them. She sighs. “Fuck. I need another shot – or two.”

  I smile, nodding as I stand. “I’ll get it.” She never looks up at me, just nods as she continues to watch Jase and Alena.

  I walk over to the counter, pouring two more shots of fireball. A couple of people lightly pat my back, my shoulder, giving me a smile. Ever since I helped stop Jase from being killed, by protecting him and Alena, it has been all over the radio and the newspaper. These people treat me like a hero, grateful, but it’s something I’m not. I’m anything but that. If they only knew what a coward I was before I became stronger, how I didn’t protect the one person that needed protecting so long ago. If they only knew how damaged she was, how she’d become withdrawn, but then became the strong person she is today. Still full of her own demons. Still unable to trust anyone fully, especially herself. I know that feeling. I know it all too well.

  I grab a bottled water and carry everything back over to the table, sitting down as I set the two shots in front of her. She slams one back quickly then drinks her beer. She’s gonna get wasted. Can’t say I blame her. If she only knew she has nothing to fear, that I’ll do anything to protect her. Let go. I’m here. Have a night of relief.

  “Thanks,” she says almost shyly, her inhibitions dwindling.

  I give her a smile, really meaning it, feeling it. “No problem. Have as many as you want.” I mean it, wanting her to be free for at least one night. I shrug, acting like it’s no big deal. “They’re free, might as well take advantage.” She smiles back, a little fuller, probably not realizing how relaxed she’s become.

  “Why aren’t you drinking?” she says with a shiver, her body giving in to the alcohol.

  I twist off the cap to my water, taking a long pull. “I don’t drink much, don’t allow myself.” I replace the cap and watch her take the other shot. My eyes can’t stop themselves from moving down her body. Her breasts are the perfect size, perched high, telling me they’re untouched from age or childbirth, that gravity hasn’t begun to lower them yet. Her stomach is flat, showing against her tight dress. Her legs smooth beneath the pantyhose covering them and those fucking high heels. Visions of them pressing against my ass almost overtake me. I quickly look back into her eyes. Her lids have closed, slightly. Her eyes dilated from the alcohol and perhaps something else, something I can’t read.

  “Always protecting. Always alert.”

  Her voice has a slight slur, but my heart quickens from her words. Does she know? Has she figured it out yet?

  She smiles. “Always watching what you put in your system. Healthy. I like that.”

  She doesn’t know.

  She lets out a hiccup and I hide my grin. It’s gonna be fun getting her home. Too tempting. She pushes up from the table then sits down quickly. “I need another shot.” She needs this. Let her have a night of bliss, of freedom from too much thinking.

  I stand, placing my hand on her shoulder. Her eyes snap to mine, imagining I look a bit hazy. “I’ll get it. Just sit.” She smiles giving me a curt nod. I walk back to the counter, seeing several bottles of fireball. I grab the one that’s the least full and take it back to the table. Her eyes widen. Her tongue peeks out licking across her lips. Fuck! I pour her another shot, using one of the cups and set the bottle down on the table as I sit down. “There. That way we don’t have to keep getting up.” I smile at her.

  “Fuck, yeah!” She gulps it down, like she’s not had a drink in years. She’s eager to let her mind go, give herself some time away. You’ll be there for her, even in the morning when she feels like shit. Couldn’t have chosen a better apartment, right beside hers.

  Time slips away. We watch in silence as Jase removes Alena’s garter belt, throwing it behind him into the small crowd. Jolie kept drinking as Alena tossed her bouquet over her shoulder. Hailey caught it, throwing it over her head like it was on fire. Jolie started hiccupping more as Jase and Alena cut their wedding cake and shoved a bite into each other’s mouths, laughing. By the time all of that was done and people started dancing again, Jolie was totally inebriated.

  “How about I take you home,” I suggest.

  She looks at the empty fireball bottle and takes the last drink of her beer. She pushes her hands down on the table, sliding back her chair and standing on wobbly legs. I chuckle internally as I stand and grab her upper arm, holding her steady. She tries to pull her arm free, unsuccessfully. “I can walk!” she hisses but when I lessen my hold she almost falls.

  I can’t help releasing my laugh as I tighten my hold and start leading her around the table. “Yeah, I know you can, slugger, but I’ll just give you a little help.” She gives me a scowl. Damn, she’s cute when she’s drunk. We start heading towards the door when she stops abruptly, her body swaying into my side. Her hand pushes against my stomach, as if she caught her mistake. She stands up and shakes her hair away from her face.

  “I need to tell Jase and Alena goodbye,” she slurs.

  She has a lip ring on the left side of her lower lip that I want to suck into my mouth. Dammit! Keep control. I start tugging her, almost too roughly, trying to get her out of here. She needs to sleep it off. “You can tell them when they get back from their honeymoon,” I growl as we get to the door. I open it, pulling her outside, and start the long trek to my truck. Thank God Jase told us not to open the gym until around noon tomorrow, knowing we might be celebrating their wedding into the late hours of the night or getting drunk. Not me though. No way could I ever lose my control that way. One time and it could be fatal. I won’t let that happen. She walks beside me, well, more like stumbles and sways, rocking on her heels, her body full of alcohol.

  “You’re so controlling. Always needing the last word, the last point,” she mumbles as she staggers but letting me hold onto her arm, guiding her. Point? So she’s playing that game too. Interesting.

  It doesn’t take as long as I thought, seeing my truck coming into my view. Once we reach it, I click on my key fob, unlocking the doors and open hers for her. “I can do it myself.” She shrugs from my hold, trying to climb in. Her dress
lifts as she places a high heeled foot onto the runner, showing her firm muscles, her smooth skin. My eyes move up as she grabs the handle above, trying to hoist herself into my truck, her arm showing the same firmness, small muscles she’s built from working out. She’s every guys dream. Fit. Healthy. Slim waist but curves in the right places, her breasts the perfect size, and that ass. Dammit! You’re losing control again! I reach out, my hands grasping her waist to help her. Her head snaps around, her eyes wide. Is that fear? Longing? Her heel slips from the runner but I tighten my hold.

  “I’ve got you.” My voice cracks, shakes – feeling things I shouldn’t.

  Just when I think she won’t allow my help, her body softens, concedes. I lift her, her body weighing nothing in my hands, and help her until she’s sitting down. Our eyes connect, so many unreadable emotions in hers. Mine? I’m hoping she can’t see the want in them, so I quickly look down, wondering if I should be so bold as to fasten her seatbelt for her. I look back up and see her looking where I was. Her head raises and she fumbles for the belt, giving me a smirk. I take that as a no and close her door. Taking my time, I walk around my truck, looking both ways on the street before proceeding to the driver’s door. Once inside, I close my door and turn to her, noticing she’s still fumbling with the seatbelt. I wait. Watch. Finally, I let out a sigh and turn, reaching over and grabbing it from her hands. She looks up as I pull it tight, looking at me like she wants to argue but loses her battle quickly seeing I’m in no mood. I lock it in place and buckle my own then look in the rearview and side mirror as I pull out onto the street.

  “Thanks.” She hiccups as she speaks so quietly I almost didn’t hear.

  I smile to myself, knowing I gained another point and drive to our apartment building. Even though the drive isn’t long, it feels too long. The silence except for her occasional hiccup is stifling. Thoughts of her delicious body fills my mind, and I want to hit something to get them out. I shouldn’t be thinking of her in that way. I’m used to being in much more control. Traitorous body and mind! I guess I am a man, flawed and weak, but as I’ve grown I’ve primed myself not to lose control. She’s the only one who’s been able to take it from me, and I can’t allow that again. I need to get her home, settled, so I can take out my frustrations and pent up energy on my punching bag as quickly as possible.

  By the time I park in front of our building, I’m about ready to explode. Shifting the gear angrily into park, I look over at her, ready to help her get out of her seatbelt. She’s asleep or passed out. The latter more likely. She did have a lot of shots and quite a few beers. Her hair is hanging down covering one side of her face, shielding it. I’m finally able to really study her without it being noticeable or awkward. Her complexion is smooth, unblemished. It looks so soft. My fingers twitch to reach out and feel it. She looks serene in her sleep, younger. My eyes move down and watch her breasts as they rise and fall with her light breathing, mesmerized, wondering how they’d feel in my hands. Snap out of it! You’re being an asshole. Pervert. Hasn’t she been through enough?

  I let out the breath I’d been holding and release my seatbelt. Once I’ve gotten to her side and opened her door, I take her small purse and look in it, feeling like I’m intruding but luckily find her keys inside, right on top. I close it and put the thin strap over my shoulder then unbuckle her. Without thinking, I lift her sleeping form into my arms and turn, pushing the door shut with my shoulder. I carry her up the front steps and into our building, climbing the stairs with ease. She may be fit but I feel like she weighs nothing in my arms. As I reach her door, I struggle with the locks, all five of them, a different key for each. Finally, I open her door. The layout of her apartment is similar to mine but backwards. I kick the door shut and carry her through the darkness, down the small hallway, noticing a small light as I take her straight into the room at the end, hoping it’s her bedroom. Shit! I’m in her bedroom! My heart rate quickens as I carry her over to her bed, laying her down gently. Her left arm lays bent up beside her head. Her fingers bent over the palm of her hand. Her hair fanned over her pillow. Her other arm is laying across her stomach, limp as she sleeps. God, she’s a vision. I need to get outta here. I turn to leave but something stops me. Turning back around, I look over her body. Should I remove her dress? Will she be uncomfortable? My cock twitches with the thought. She’s passed out, idiot. She won’t feel anything. Making a quick decision, I bend down and remove her high heels from her dainty feet, setting them down on the floor next to her bed. There. At least she won’t hurt herself by those heels if she turns over in her sleep. Looking down I see a blanket folded laying on top of a chest at the end of her bed. I pick it up, unfold it and spread it across her. Feeling somewhat satisfied, I turn and start for the door.

  As I start through the doorway, I hear her whimper and stop cold. The hair raises on the back of my neck. I turn my head and look over my shoulder, my hand on the door frame. Her head moves back and forth. Her once relaxed fingers now dig into the palm of her hand. Demons. Her demons. I know them well. She lets out a small cry as her nightmare continues. I’m sure she’d hoped the alcohol would have taken her so deep they wouldn’t be able to touch her there. It wasn’t enough. My heart bleeds for her, my own nightmares threatening to come to the surface. She quiets, and I hold my breath but only for a short time until they return. This is why she works out, why she exhausts her body every day. I know. I do the same. Like her, I wasn’t able to work out until near collapsing tonight, like I normally would, with the wedding we needed to attend. Another decision, not able to leave her, I walk over and sit down on the floor beside her bed, leaning my back against the wall, my legs drawn up, and my arms laying on my knees. Waiting. Watching. She lets out another whimper, another sob.

  “Shhhh. I’m here. I’ve got you,” I whisper.

  Her body stills and soon she relaxes. Leaning my head back against the wall, I relax and wait.

  Chapter 2

  “Get back to your room before I give you more!” He’s angry. He’s always angry.

  I start to walk quicker through the living room, hoping to escape his wrath. God, I wish he were still here. I know he’d try to protect me. He thought he didn’t, thought he was a failure, but he had no idea what he’d done for me. He blamed himself even though I’d tried and tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault. Never his fault. I cringe as I look over at the windows. Dark. Always dark. They keep the blinds closed, the added thick drapes letting no one to be able to snoop or pry into what goes on in this house. I stumble as I try to run up the stairs, hitting my knee hard on the edge of the wooden step. The crack of his belt tells me he’s not far behind me, so I wince and get up quickly, limping the rest of the way.

  “Dammit, girl! When I tell you to move, I mean move!”

  The sting from his belt adds another bruise to my already sore back. I reach the top step but fall with the impact of his hit. Turning quickly, I throw up my hands, my eyes wide as I see his large form approach the last step.

  “Please, stop!” I whimper. As his arm raises, the belt hanging from his hand, I close my eyes, waiting for....

  “NO!” I bolt up into a sitting position, my head throbbing with the rush of blood moving down my body so quickly. The thump, thump of my temples tells me I had way more to drink than I should have last night. “Not enough,” I whisper, even the sound of my low voice not helping my headache. My eyes snap to the windows, the blinds still open, letting in what’s left of the moonlight, the street lamp out front giving even more light into my room. I look down, still in my dress from last night but my shoes are missing. Bringing my legs over the side, I lean my elbows on my knees and hold my head, noticing my shoes on the floor. Memories begin to filter in.

  The ride home.

  Passing out in his truck.

  Faded words of protection.

  I look around my room, not seeing anything out of place except for the blan
ket covering me. He took off my shoes. He covered me with the blanket. Did he stay after that or go to his apartment quickly? I have no idea and trying to remember anything more is only making my head throb worse. I look at my alarm clock. Five-twenty in the morning. Always the same time I wake. The same time he….

  I let out a deep breath, get up and go to my bathroom. I need to brush my hair and teeth and go work out. Once I’m dressed, I take a couple of aspirin and drink two bottles of water, grab my gym bag and head for the gym. I missed working out last night, knowing good and well my body wasn’t exhausted enough to avoid the dreams. More like nightmares. I had really hoped the amount of alcohol I’d consumed would have done the trick but needless to say, it didn’t. What I wouldn’t give for a good night’s sleep and to sleep past the time that I endlessly wake up every morning.

  I leave my apartment, carrying my bag and helmet then lock my door up tight, and walk outside, feeling a cool breeze as I go down the steps. My bike is parked under a street light. My neighbors know now that I always park there. Squatting down, I move the dials around on the lock, opening it. I unwrap it from the pole and slide it into my gym bag then open the compartment behind the seat and put it in. Slipping my leg over the seat, I slide the helmet over my head, my eyes constantly looking around as I fasten the strap under my chin. Pushing the key into the ignition, I grab the handlebar, revving the engine and feel the power between my legs.

  As always, the lights are off in the gym except for the emergency lights when I round the corner into the parking lot and park. I raise my leg over my bike, kicking down the stand, and remove my helmet. After taking my small gym bag out of the compartment, I head to the back door and unlock it. When I first started here, I was nervous coming in alone, no one to hear me scream. No one to protect me.

  “I’ll always protect you.”